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"There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo."
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"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
"When you look at me, when you think of me, I am in paradise."
"An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise."
"Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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