"You know, I've done this show for six years, and this could be the first time that I had a person that actually got no points, and I think it's a damn fine way to go out. I thought I was a loser until you walked up here; you made me feel like a man."

"I'm real excited about being on CBS and hosting this show. I have been studying all of the great CBS shows. I think I'm prepared, so if you're ready, let's have the first item up for bids."

"Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you think you are?""