"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income."

"It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper."

"My father was never anti-anything in our house."

"Women won't let me stay single and I won't let me stay married."

"I like my whisky old and my women young."

"The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never lets his public down."

"Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure."