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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."
"Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."
"What are you assholes looking at?" "Nothing," said Radar. "We're certainly not looking at your eyebrows."
"If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores."
"When you put on your thinking cap make sure it's clean."
Explore more quotes by Anthony T. Hincks
"Meetings! Meetings! Meetings!Do they ever achieve anything or do they just let a lot of hot air out of an already over inflated balloon?"
"There will always be someone better looking; better off; smarter; richer; thinner; taller; shorter; have more friends than you; a better car and a better house.You might not have what they have, but when you look in the mirror, that's you!And that's something that they don't have and will never have!"
"Dad!" Jesus yelled."Yes, son," God said."That star's light just went out," Jesus told his dad."Yes, I know," God replied."But, why?" Jesus asked."Sometimes, a man can become so self obsessed, that the devil seduces him with wealth, power and other worldly delights," God said."But aren't you worried that he will turn all the stars off?" Jesus now asked his dad.God smiled, "No, because for every star that goes out, I just put up another million or so."Jesus looked back at the night sky and sure enough, there were many more stars now. He smiled."
"Never deviate off the path that society has set for you. Otherwise you may find yourself in a place that you like."
"I can't understand God and I can't understand myself, so there's no chance in hell that I'm going to understand you!"
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