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"Some people might enjoy drain water if they were told it was vodka."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"The writer operates at a peculiar crossroads where time and place and eternity somehow meet. His problem is to find that location."
Time

"It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes."
Old

"Conviction without experience makes for harshness."
Experience

"To expect too much is to have a sentimental view of life and this is a softness that ends in bitterness."
Life

"I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I'm afraid it will not be controversial."
Will

"I am a writer because writing is the thing I do best."
Writer

"Our age not only does not have a very sharp eye for the almost imperceptible intrusions of grace, it no longer has much feeling for the nature of the violences which precede and follow them."
Philosophy

"Some people might enjoy drain water if they were told it was vodka."
Humor

"I like to walk in the woods and see what Mother Nature is wearing."
Nature

"Fiction is about everything human and we are made out of dust, and if you scorn getting yourself dusty, then you shouldn't try to write fiction. It's not a grand enough job for you."
Literature
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