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"He was a nice guy, middle-aged, a little tired, like most doctors usually seemed to be, but he just nodded and said, "Let me take a look at him. Shane?""I'm not dropping my pants," Shane said. "I just thought I'd say that up front."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"What are you going to do? Are you going to live in the dark, locked in here? Afraid to look out, answer the door, leave? Yes, he's out there, and he's clearly not going to leave you alone until one of three things happens: he hurts you and gets arrested, or he makes a mistake and gets arrested, or you stop him."
Courage
"Michael...Michael got bitten. And now he's a vampire. But he doesn't remember becoming one, and that's a big problem. So if you see him, don't, you know, hug. He bites. He doesn't mean it, though."
Fantasy
"You are so lucky I'm too tired to murder you right now."
Humor
"Does it give you deja voodoo how alike the houses are?""That's deja vu, and I hate you right now.""For narcing on you to your mom? Wait until you hear what I tell your dad."From the sly grin on his face, she knew what he was thinking."Don't you even think about it.""I could tell him about the time we-""Hell, no."
Humor
"They've all got stories, Jess thought. I need to know them. Best of all, he could know them. He could learn anything here. It felt like limitless possibilities."
Knowledge
"Survival," I said softly. "It's selfish, and it's dark, and we've always been a species willing to do anything to satisfy our needs. Individuals have morals. Mobs have appetites."
Behavior
"I'm gonna kill him," Eve said, or at least that was what it sounded like filtered through the pillow.Stake him right in the heart, shove garlic up his ass, and-and-"And what?" (Michael)When did you get home?" Claire demanded.Apparently just in time to hear my funeral plans. I especially like the garlic up the ass. It's...different."
Fantasy
"I can handle Glory." "Can you?" Eve asked. "Because I notice you never call her Gloriana. Just Glory." He shut up. Which is probably about the only smart thing he can do, Claire thought."
Humor
"I hate traveling with amateurs."
Humor
"Now we're in the middle of a three-sided vampire war. Which would be an awesome video game, but I'm really not interested in playing for real. I like my reset buttons."
Fantasy
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