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"Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?"
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"If I went to work in a factory the first thing I'd do is join a union."

"The purpose of work is to labor and invest time in your gift."

"The people who have recently come to this country to work and better their lives should be given the same opportunities that our parents, grandparents, and ancestors were given."

"Bolts work on nuts; pens work on paper. But you must work on yourself. Go, get working!"
Explore more quotes by Jon Stewart

"There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!"

"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea."

"You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things."
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