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"I look like Walt Disney just threw up."
Disney
"I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States."
President
"You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards."
Confession
"What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess."
Chess
"If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian."
Rap
"The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue."
Sky
"The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'."
America
"I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe."
Home
"Never trust sheep."
Trust
"I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982."
Control
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When asked for your views, by the press or others, remember that what they really want to know is the President's views."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I believe we will elect a new President in 2012."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm the only president you've got."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A master of improvised speech and improvised policies."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The President had every reason to believe that the text presented to him was sound... These 16 words should never have been included in the text written for the president."
Author Name
Personal Development
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