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"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."
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"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over."
"What had begun as a movement to free all black people from racist oppression became a movement with its primary goal the establishment of black male patriarchy."
"Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth get things handed to them on platters."
"With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless."
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
Explore more quotes by David Letterman
"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move."
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
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