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David Letterman

"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."

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"USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population."

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Donna Grant

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

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Donna Grant

"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

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Donna Grant

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

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"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

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"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

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Donna Grant

"Do you genuinely love people? Or at least make an effort to like them? Your first impressions will be made easier and more successful when you start with your heart."

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Donna Grant

"People do not understand what a great revenue economy is."

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Donna Grant

"People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."

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Donna Grant

"It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it."

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Donna Grant

"People will not remember what you did for living,they will remember how you touched them with kindness and loving."

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David Letterman
"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."
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David Letterman
"Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger."
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David Letterman
"The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral."
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David Letterman
"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
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David Letterman
"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
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David Letterman
"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"
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David Letterman
"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."
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David Letterman
"We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets."
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David Letterman
"There is no off position on the genius switch."
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David Letterman
"Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton."
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