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"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison."
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"People talk about the courage of condemned men walking to the place of execution: sometimes it needs as much courage to walk with any kind of bearing towards another person's habitual misery."
"Though bachelors be the strongest stakes, married men are the best binders, in the hedge of the commonwealth."
"There have been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them."
"All men are tempted. There is no man that lives that can't be broken down, provided it is the right temptation, put in the right spot."
"He had read much, if one considers his long life; but his contemplation was much more than his reading. He was wont to say that if he had read as much as other men he should have known no more than other men."
Explore more quotes by Tim Allen
"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."
"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison."
"Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."
"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."
"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."
"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."
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