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"I had to go to Europe to tour and he died on the second day of the tour."
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"On average, Australians watch more than three hours of television a day, compared with 12 minutes a day spent by the average couple talking to each other."

"I liked the way they treated the first, second, and third place finishers equally. It was an amazing year. I only entered two song contests this year; I won one and placed second in the other. And I entered each of them a day or two before the deadline."

"Miserable is a good thing, though. If you start the day miserable, nobody else can screw up your day."
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"Well, as you know, there are 24 hours in every day. And if that's not enough, you've always got the nights!"
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"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked."
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