"Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

Humor, Mistake, College

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"Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Anger, Truth, Expression

"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Calm, Reassurance, Fear

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Calm, Chastening

"You are so lucky I'm too tired to murder you right now."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Violence, Fatigue, Sarcasm

"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?""Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!""My figurine.""In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!""Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Power

"WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVOURED?"

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Death, Confusion, Box

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Leg, Respect

" Think of how many times you put on your underwear in a lifetime. It was appalling, it was disgusting, it was stupid."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Life, Daily, Routine

"Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Identity, Giants, Truth

Explore more quotes by Elbert Hubbard

"Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself."

Life

"Friend: One who knows all about you and loves you just the same."

Friendship

"I believe in the hands that work, in the brains that think, and in the hearts that love...I believe in sunshine, fresh air, friendship, calm sleep, beautiful thoughts."

Belief

"I do not read a book, I hold a conversation with the author."

Art

"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."

Friendship

"Fear clogs faith liberates."

Religion

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I should curl up in a ball and cry. Instead i think about everything in the whole entire world that makes me angry - There is a lot, oh, there is a lot - and I start singing Justin Bieber at the top of my lungs."

"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

"Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you."

"You are so lucky I'm too tired to murder you right now."

"WHAT FOR IS THIS BOX PADDED? IS IT TO BE SAT ON? CAN IT BE THAT IT IS CAT-FLAVOURED?"

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

" Think of how many times you put on your underwear in a lifetime. It was appalling, it was disgusting, it was stupid."

"Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Explore more quotes by Elbert Hubbard

"A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman as bad as she dares."

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."

"Whom the gods love die young no matter how long they live."

"Art is not a thing, it is a way."

"Be pleasant until ten o'clock in the morning and the rest of the day will take care of itself."

"Friend: One who knows all about you and loves you just the same."

"I believe in the hands that work, in the brains that think, and in the hearts that love...I believe in sunshine, fresh air, friendship, calm sleep, beautiful thoughts."

"I do not read a book, I hold a conversation with the author."

"Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway."

"Fear clogs faith liberates."