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"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
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"Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This is our lance. See, you're making me laugh about this now, because there have been a few jokes on the set about what they actually look like. But, see, I personally think they'd be a great toy. So... just batteries aren't included."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something."
Dress
"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
England
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
Night
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
Love
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Sex
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
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