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"Congratulations, Mousey, you've managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
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"Don't take this the wrong way, but Australians have a LOT of bitches on their cashola."
Social
"Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal-all those places perfect for dying of exposure."
Survival
"Didn't you read the invitation? There's going to be a game in a little while--the big Twister game in an hour. Make sure you eat plenty of bread."
Humor
"I'm almost afraid to tell you. Let's put it this way: clean toilets are the least of your problems in this country."
Observation
"Alice, winning means manipulation. It means taking people-people who may have helped you in the past, even people you care about-and using them without hesitation or regret. It means making decisions that would be viewed by any normal-thinking human being as cynical at best and dishonorable at worst."
Power
"I'm busy trying not to look like anything edible."
Humor
"Did you think your boyfriend was going to stick around and watch you do THAT? If we weren't related, I would've left too. Actually—is it already too late for me to leave?"
Relationship
"Turns out rolling your eyes in a bar when 'Land Down Under' plays is like someone belching during the Star Spangled Banner in America."
Sensitivity
"Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don't think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely."
Criticism
"Congratulations, Mousey, you've managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers."
Humor
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