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"This generation should entertain this generation. It's only fair. When I was a kid, I mowed the lawn. Now, somebody else's kid can mow the lawn."
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"Now the identification of individual sounds by phonetic observation is an artificial way of proceeding."

"The rich pay more in total taxes now than ever before - ever. It's true. Just like it's true that when the rich are convinced they're going to be taxed more, they spend less. And when the top few percenters don't spend, there goes all your spending, because they account for half of all retail spending."

"All the classical genres are now ridiculous in their rigorous purity."

"I have more zits now than I did as a teenager. Stress zits."
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"My theory is if you have a religion, it's a good one. Because some people don't have any at all."


"I have my own religion. I'm sort of one-quarter Baptist, one-quarter Catholic, one-quarter Jewish."


"It used to be that you'd have a song recorded by a major country artist and if it was a hit, you could buy a car. Now you can buy a dealership."


"The first guy who came up with the concept of religion was sitting out under a tree. I'm sure of that."


"The way you look for songs, you find yourself looking for little signals and clues about life and how things are."


"I never fixed a story. I didn't make judgments, I let the listener make judgments. When I got to the end of the story, if it had a moral, I let the listener find it."


"Religion is a strange, wonderful thing. More crimes have been committed in the name of righteousness than any other notion."


"Young kids are doing the same thing I did, but they're doing it differently. They don't do brain surgery the way they used to do it either."
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