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"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
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"When you share your moments of joy with friends, that memory lasts forever."
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Personal Development
"A true friend is a person that will shout at you when you're wrong, hold your hand when you fall down, dance with you during the good times, and stay with you during your ups and downs."
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Personal Development
"With your, love touch someone's heart, feel their soul, enjoy their bliss, share your joy, and then become their friend."
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Personal Development
"Truth has very few friends and those few are suicides."
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Personal Development
"A best friend is someone that will stand in your storm and tell you the lightening is beautiful just to make you realize that your heart was worth getting soaked."
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Personal Development
"And say my glory was I had such friends."
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Personal Development
"Friendship is not about ships-no matter how big and fancy and expensive the yacht is."
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Personal Development
"Judge not the value of a friend by the number of boy- or girlfriends they helped you get. But by the number of books they've recommended to you."
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Personal Development
"A friend you have to buy won't be worth what you pay for him."
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Personal Development
"Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly."
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"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
Sister
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
Life
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Plants
"I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that."
Girlfriend
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
Tennis
"All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me."
Funny
"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."
Now
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Order
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
Friendship
"I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
Car
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