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Phyllis Diller

"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing."

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"I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing."

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Asa Don Brown

"For the last few years, it's been so chic for everybody to be miserable. Like if you're in with the cool crowd, you can't be happy."

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"Tahiti has been spoiled for many years, but Bali is one of the few cultures with origins in one of the great ancient cultures which is still alive."

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Asa Don Brown

"I enjoyed carpentry, and it was very good to me for 12 years."

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Asa Don Brown

"I was a gymnast for years."

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Asa Don Brown

"It wasn't that I ever knew I'd be at the Met for 20 years, or 30 years, or 40 years, or anything like that."

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Asa Don Brown

"I have spent a lot of years on the outside looking in."

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Asa Don Brown

"Almost every other Western in the last ten years has failed, since Dances with Wolves."

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Asa Don Brown

"I haven't physically attacked anyone in a couple of years."

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Asa Don Brown

"Every two or three years I knock off for a while. That way I'm constantly the new girl in the whorehouse."

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Asa Don Brown

"We were all ruled by the studio system. I signed a contract for seven years."

Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
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Phyllis Diller
"Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going."
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Phyllis Diller
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor."
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Phyllis Diller
"Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves."
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Phyllis Diller
"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing."
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Phyllis Diller
"Our dog died from licking our wedding picture."
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Phyllis Diller
"Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed."
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Phyllis Diller
"My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee."
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Phyllis Diller
"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
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Phyllis Diller
"Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children."
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