"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."

Humor, Conflict, Animals, Fight

0

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

"I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out!"

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Rejection, Work, Job

Explore more quotes by George Bernard Shaw

"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me."

Emotion

"What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?"

Car

"Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else."

Love

"Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family."

Family

"The whole world is strewn with snares traps gins and pitfalls for the capture of men by women."

Gender

"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death."

Existence

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them."

People

"Schools and schoolmasters, as we have them today, are not popular as places of education and teachers, but rather prisons and turnkeys in which children are kept to prevent them disturbing and chaperoning their parent."

Education

"It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman despise him."

Society

"I know your head aches. I know you're tired. I know your nerves are as raw as meat in a butcher's window. But think what you're trying to accomplish - just think what you're dealing with. The majesty and grandeur of the English language; it's the greatest possession we have. The noblest thoughts that ever flowed through the hearts of men are contained in its extraordinary, imaginative and musical mixtures of sounds. And that's what you've set yourself out to conquer, Eliza. And conquer it you will."

Language