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Exlpore more Humor quotes
"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."
"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."
"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."
"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
"I just don't- Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music."
"Ben, if you get pee in my brand-new car, I am going to cut your balls off."Still peeing, Ben looks over at me smirking. "You re gonna need a hell of a big knife, bro."
"It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it."
Explore more quotes by George Bernard Shaw
"Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness."
"He's a man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage."
"An election is a moral horror, as bad as a battle except for the blood; a mud bath for every soul concerned in it."
"When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity."
"Never believe anything a writer tells you about himself. A man comes to believe in the end the lies he tells himself about himself."
"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
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