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"Partly because the town is just finicky, there are strange Catch 22 clauses in the consciousness of this community and one of them was that you, I found out, you can't do a comedy unless you've just done a comedy."
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"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."

"Especially while television I think is going through some growing pains or is in need of - I think current comedy is a bit, uh, not happening, you know?"

"All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us."

"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."

"Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. 'How does he always get food stuck to him?' I asked Morelli. 'I don't know,' Morelli said. 'It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure.'-Morelli And Stephanie."

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
Explore more quotes by Val Kilmer


"Warner Bros offered me the next Batman, and the only reason that I didn't do it was because of The Saint."


"Postman is a media analyst and his theory is that television doesn't influence our culture, but that it is our culture and the presidency and anything that relies on television."


"Again, in Wag the Dog, war has to be declared by an act of congress. But if you go to war, you don't have to declare war. You're just at war and we did that, which is not legal."


"A lot of old guys in movies are like cowboys - they talk like cowboys and they dress like cowboys."


"I respect people who can do both careers, like Will Smith and a couple of other people who have done it, but I just don't know when they sleep."


"If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying this because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing."
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