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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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"Man has, as it were, become a kind of prosthetic God. When he puts on all his auxiliary organs, he is truly magnificent; but those organs have not grown on him and they still give him much trouble at times."

"Where there is devotional music, God is always at hand with His gracious presence."

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."

"I prefer, in a word, the republican system, because it comes up more nearly to God's system."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."


"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."


"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"


"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."


"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."


"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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