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Erma Bombeck

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."

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Asa Don Brown

"God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal."

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Asa Don Brown

"An omnipotent God is the only being with no reason to lie."

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Asa Don Brown

"Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts bring us back to God."

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Asa Don Brown

"God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best."

God,
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Asa Don Brown

"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him."

God,
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Asa Don Brown

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

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Asa Don Brown

"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."

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Asa Don Brown

"Charity never humiliated him who profited from it, nor ever bound him by the chains of gratitude, since it was not to him but to God that the gift was made."

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Asa Don Brown

"God's dice always have a lucky roll."

God,
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Asa Don Brown

"I am as bad as the worst, but, thank God, I am as good as the best."

God,

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Erma Bombeck
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
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Erma Bombeck
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
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Erma Bombeck
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
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Erma Bombeck
"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
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Erma Bombeck
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
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Erma Bombeck
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
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Erma Bombeck
"Children make your life important."
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Erma Bombeck
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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Erma Bombeck
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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