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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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"Small amounts of philosophy lead to atheism, but larger amounts bring us back to God."

"The reader becomes God, for all textual purposes. I see your eyes glazing over, so I'll hush."

"It is quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"


"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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