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"Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism."
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"Oh, mankind, race of crocodiles! How well I recognize you down there, and how worthy you are of yourselves!"
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."
"Grand. There's a word I really hate. It's a phony. I could puke every time I hear it."
"The Church of Rome, formerly the most holy of all Churches, has become the most lawless den of thieves, the most shameless of all brothels, the very kingdom of sin, death, and hell; so that not even antichrist, if he were to come, could devise any addition to its wickedness."
"The world, viewed philosophically, remains a series of slave camps, where citizens " tax livestock " labor under the chains of illusion in the service of their masters."
Explore more quotes by Christopher Moore
"Rivera rubbed his temples. 'Satan told you to do it?' he said wearily.'No.''Elvis?''I told you, it's supernatural."
"I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another."
"Blessed with the Beta Male imagination, he spent much of his life squinting into the future so he might spot ways in which the world was conspiring to kill him..."
"Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?''Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside."
"As much as I encourage communication with my readers, I don't want reviews from them, simply because I don't need to be hamstrung in the middle of working on something."
"On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire."
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