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"Most people don't know that I am an accomplished dramatic actor... But I've performed in several Shakespeare productions including Hamlet, except in this version, Hamlet lives in an apartment with two women, and has to pretend he's gay so that the landlord won't evict him."
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"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his."
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Personal Development
"The faces of most American women over thirty are relief maps of petulant and bewildered unhappiness."
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Personal Development
"Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked."
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Personal Development
"You can find women who have never had an affair, but it is hard to find a woman who has had just one."
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Personal Development
"The Cause of Women is generally the Cause of Virtue."
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"What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce."
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Personal Development
"Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."
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Personal Development
"Every woman is just a different kind of problem."
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"Women are like teabags. We don't know our true strength until we are in hot water!"
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"In Hollywood, the women are all peaches. It makes one long for an apple occasionally."
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"Once during a taping there was an actor who kept blowing his lines. It happened again and again. Finally Norman Fell came out-he wasn't even in that scene. But Norman came out and you know what he did? He killed the guy with a hammer."
Actor
"Most people don't know that I am an accomplished dramatic actor... But I've performed in several Shakespeare productions including Hamlet, except in this version, Hamlet lives in an apartment with two women, and has to pretend he's gay so that the landlord won't evict him."
Woman
"I knew when I grew up, I always wanted to be a liar, and if you're in television, you're lying because you're just pretending to be yourself much like I'm doing now."
Lying
"Me a TV star? I've got to be the luckiest guy in the world."
World
"If I found a cure for a huge disease, while I was hobbling up onstage to accept the Nobel Prize they'd be playing the theme song from 'Three's Company'."
Company
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