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"It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
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Personal Development
"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development
"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."
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Personal Development
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"One day I was telling him that I thought that cars had replaced guns as phallic symbols for American men, and I thought it was interesting that he had one that was so small and fast. The next day he gave me the Datsun and went out and bought a Lincoln."
Masculinity
"Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong."
Critique
"Don't be so hard on yourself, You're doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn't understand. Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves. When someone dies, they all integrate into the soul - the essence of who we are, beyond the different faces we wear throughout our lives. You're just hating the selves you've always hated, and loving the ones you've always loved. It's bound to mess you up."
Integration
"Sweet Pocket, you mustn't ask about my life before I came here. What I am now, I have always been, and everything I am is here with you."
"'Sweet Thalia,' said I. 'That is a fiery flagon of dragon toss.'"
Connection
"Routine feeds the illusion of safety..."
Routine
"She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can't she, sir?"
Exaggeration
"That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.''Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?"
Technology
"He was a writer and words were his weapons."
Art
"But Charlie could imagine, because he was a Beta Male, and imagination was his curse...."
Insecurity
"I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores."
Contempt
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