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"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
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"I believe in unconditional love... I believe in dangerous unselfishness... I believe in daring to achieve... I believe in making mistakes... I believe in helping others... I believe in moving on... I believe in passionate romance... I believe in living the fullness of this human experience... I believe in ME..."

"We all have human emotions that rob our lives."

"Sadness comes from expectations. To be happy, adapt to everything and expect nothing."

"Smile because it's infectious.Love because it's contagious."

"Self-respect is nothing but self-confidence."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."


"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"


"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."


"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."


"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."
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