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"I was at Yankee Stadium one time at 5 a.m., but that was to buy angel dust."
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"I always turn in my books on time, so you can always count on a book coming out when it's supposed to."

"You think you know her. Just wait and see the change. I'll have her trained in no time."

"But the most important test is to take them on tour and see if you can bear to spend time with them."
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"Yeah, Hitman I suppose is most of the time a lighter read than Preacher; it was always going to be."
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"Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that."

"When I got on Stern I realized that this was the one job where you could be really honest and open, almost like Richard Pryor or something. You can be honest about your life and get laughs."

"Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38."

"And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard."
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