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David Sedaris

"I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer."

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"I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer."

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Amber Hurdle

"If the universe is anything, it should be fun."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"It's fun leading this offense. I don't think we've hit our peak."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"I beg. I call. I badger. I cajole. Part of the secret is everyone has fun and that's really motivating."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"The imaginary world has always been the most fun place for me to be."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - the sinners are much more fun."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"The funny thing is, strangers still seem to feel comfortable coming up to me and saying things, but now usually it's because they recognize me, and they say nice things."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"Part of me wanted something bloody and really fun."

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Personal Development

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Amber Hurdle

"Do you know anything that in all its innocence is more humiliating than the funny pages of a Sunday newspaper in America?"

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David Sedaris
"Adrienne started teaching a few months ago in Denver and wrote that it leaves you with a constant feeling of deceiving people. That you know nothing they don't, or couldn't learn on their own if they cared to."

Teaching

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David Sedaris
"I realized I was a teacher when I felt warm during class and got up to open the door. Later on there was noise in the hallway, so I got up and shut it. Students can't open and close the door whenever they feel like it."

Teaching

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David Sedaris
"The word phobic has its place when properly used, but lately it's been declawed by the pompous insistence that most animosity is based upon fear rather than loathing.... I hate computers. My hatred is entrenched, and I nourish it daily. I'm comfortable with it, and no community outreach program will change my mind."

Hatred

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David Sedaris
"I attributed their behavior to the fact that they didn't have a TV, but television didn't teach you everything. Asking for candy on Halloween was called trick-or-treating, but asking for candy on November first was called begging, and it made people uncomfortable. This was one of the things you were supposed to learn simply by being alive, and it angered me that the Tomkeys did not understand it."

Observation

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David Sedaris
"Between the disfigurement and the muzzle, it's nearly impossible to catch what she's saying. Always, though, while tripping and stumbling to the music, she looks out into her audience and tells the story about her mother. Most people laugh and yell for her to lift her skirts, but every so often she'll spot someone weeping and swear they can understand her every word."

Performance

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David Sedaris
"If I'm walking down an American street and anyone darker than a peanut shell approaches, I'll say, 'Hello.' This because, if I don't say it, he or she might think that I'm anxious. Which, of course, I must be, otherwise I'd walk by in silence, just as I do with my fellow Caucasians.Does this make me racist, or simply race conscious? Either way, I'm more afraid of conservatives than I am of black people."

Society

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David Sedaris
"What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I'll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for a week or two, it will eventually grow a beard."

Humor

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David Sedaris
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."

Personal

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David Sedaris
"One year I went as a pirate, but from then on I went as a hobo. It's a word you don't hear anymore. Along with 'tramp,' it's been replaced by 'homeless person,' which isn't the same thing. Unlike someone who was evicted or lost his house in a fire, the hobo roughed it by choice. Being at liberty, unencumbered by bills and mortgages, better suited his drinking schedule, and so he found shelter wherever he could, never a bum, but something much less threatening, a figure of merriment, almost."

Freedom

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David Sedaris
"All of us take pride and pleasure in the fact that we are unique, but I'm afraid that when all is said and done the police are right: it all comes down to fingerprints."

Identity

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