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"We fool ourselves so much we could do it for a living."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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"The truth is that most writers are needy."
Wisdom
"She ran out of her marriage the way a woman can run out of a pair of sandals when she decides to let go and really dash."
Life
"Remember Stephen King's First Rule of Writers and Agents, learned by bitter personal experience: You don't need one until you're making enough for someone to steal ... and if you're making that much, you'll be able to take your pick of good agents."
Writing
"In nightmares we can think the worst. That's what they're for, I guess."
Fear
"If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that."
Writing
"You cannot hope to sweep someone else away by the force of your writing until it has been done to you."
Success
"Might as well try to drink the ocean with a spoon as argue with a lover."
Love
"Why does she have to be such a...such a..."Go on," I said. "The truth is never cussing, Son."Such a bitch!"
Ethics
"What we like to think of ourselves and what we really are rarely have much in common...."
Life
"Because that was then and this is now. Because the past is gone, even though it defines the present."
Truth
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