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"Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute."
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"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
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"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
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"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
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"I got everybody on my side through comedy."
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"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
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"Stand-up comedy and poverty. Those were my two main endeavors."
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"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
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"I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print."
Fear


"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward."
Life


"The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yogurt."
Life


"There is always time for failure."
Time


"Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute."
Comedy


"To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph."
Duty


"The freedom to make a fortune on the stock exchange has been made to sound more alluring than freedom of speech."
Fortune


"The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself."
Boredom


"The worst fault of the working classes is telling their children they're not going to succeed."
Family


"There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward."
Pleasure
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