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"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
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"If you win the Oscar, you get to go into just about anybody's office for a month."

"There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration."

"I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot."

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were."

"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants."

"Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them."

"It must be a terrible pressure to have to go to the office."

"I wake about 1 a.m. I'm in the office by 2 a.m. We're on the air at 5."

"Our office acts like a kind of educational establishment and we are very careful who we educate."

"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck


"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."


"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."


"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you."


"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."


"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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