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Erma Bombeck

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

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"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

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Amber Hurdle

"If you win the Oscar, you get to go into just about anybody's office for a month."

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"There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration."

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"I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot."

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Amber Hurdle

"When we got into office, the thing that surprised me most was to find that things were just as bad as we'd been saying they were."

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"A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants."

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"Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them."

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Amber Hurdle

"It must be a terrible pressure to have to go to the office."

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Amber Hurdle

"I wake about 1 a.m. I'm in the office by 2 a.m. We're on the air at 5."

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Amber Hurdle

"Our office acts like a kind of educational establishment and we are very careful who we educate."

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Amber Hurdle

"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."

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Erma Bombeck
"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
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"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
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Erma Bombeck
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
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Erma Bombeck
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
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"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
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Erma Bombeck
"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
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Erma Bombeck
"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you."
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Erma Bombeck
"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
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Erma Bombeck
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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Erma Bombeck
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
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