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"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."
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"Robinson was important to all blacks. To make it into the majors and to take all the name calling, he had to be something special. He had to take all this for years, not just for Jackie Robinson, but for the nation."
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Personal Development
"Well, I wanted to play twenty years in the major leagues. I never made it twenty though. I played nineteen."
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Personal Development
"I just wanted to go play in the big leagues. But possibly playing for the Yankees is very special."
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Personal Development
"It's very simple. We are asking baseball to come clean and set the record straight. Either baseball officials seriously want to rid their sport of doping, or they want to brush the issue under the carpet. So far, we haven't seen much evidence of the former."
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Personal Development
"I'd never even been to Wrigley Field. I never even enjoyed baseball that much, but I loved being there, the crowd was lovely, and they all sang with me!"
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Personal Development
"You had to pitch in and out. The zone didn't belong to the hitters; it belonged to the pitchers. Today, if you pitch too far inside, the umpire would stop you right there. I don't think it's fair."
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Personal Development
"A tall, thin old man waving a scorecard from the corner of his dugout. That's baseball."
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Personal Development
"Baseball is this intense subculture that actually doesn't speak very much for the larger culture."
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Personal Development
"I wasn't athletic. I played baseball, but I was terrible."
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Personal Development
"The hardest thing to believe about The Fan is not that Robert De Niro is stalking somebody again but that anyone cares that much about a baseball player."
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"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy
"Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger criticized the California school system, calling it disastrous. Arnold says California's schools are so bad that its graduates are willing to vote for me."
School
"Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood."
African
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion
"The Canadian government continues to say they will not help us if we go to war with Iraq. However, the prime minister of Canada said he'd like to help, but he's pretty sure that last time he checked, Canada had no army."
Government
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Life
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party
"In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath."
Man
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
Woman
"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language."
Success
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