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"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."
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"Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended."
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Personal Development
"You look at all the great players that they've had and the potential of playing in Yankee Stadium."
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Personal Development
"You had to pitch in and out. The zone didn't belong to the hitters; it belonged to the pitchers. Today, if you pitch too far inside, the umpire would stop you right there. I don't think it's fair."
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Personal Development
"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"
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Personal Development
"It's very simple. We are asking baseball to come clean and set the record straight. Either baseball officials seriously want to rid their sport of doping, or they want to brush the issue under the carpet. So far, we haven't seen much evidence of the former."
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Personal Development
"It was a terrible day for baseball, it was a worse day for Congress."
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Personal Development
"Watching baseball under the lights is like observing dogs indoors, at a pedigree show. In both instances, the environment is too controlled to suit the species."
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Personal Development
"It's not like learning how to hit a curve ball in baseball."
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Personal Development
"I'd like to think a baseball picture is somewhere in my future."
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Personal Development
"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."
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Personal Development
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"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
Woman
"Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.'"
Time
"Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen."
Dating
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
Life
"The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'"
War
"Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language."
Success
"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
People
"In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath."
Man
"Several hard-core Star Wars fans who had tickets for the first showing actually said that when the movie finally began, they started crying. Mainly because they realized that it's 22 years later, and they still haven't lost their virginity."
Fans
"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'"
Man
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