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"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
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"Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there."
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Personal Development
"If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some things you know about, you know what the ingredients are - maybe not all of them. But it's up to you to put in the amount. It's up to the director to nag you until you get it right."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Stand, you've been sitting much too long, there's a permanent crease in your right or wrong."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I sing, trouble can sit right on my shoulder and I don't even notice."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's so hard to know what to do when one wishes earnestly to do right."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you have to do it, then you're doing the right thing."
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Personal Development
"He must not laugh at his own wheeze: a snuff box has no right to sneeze."
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Personal Development
"I let things roll right off me. I don't stay mad long."
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Personal Development
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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