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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"Before I was famous, when I was just working in Gilbert's Lodge, everything was moving in slow motion."
Famous
"It'd be stupid for me to sit here and say that there aren't kids who look up to me, but my responsibility is not to them. I'm not a baby sitter."
Baby
"The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."
Life
"Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end."
Humor
"Sometimes I feel like rap music is almost the key to stopping racism."
Music
"There was a while when I was feeling like, 'Damn, if I'd just been born black, I would not have to go through all this'."
Feelings
"I'd go to, like, six different schools in one year. We were on welfare, and my mom never ever worked."
Mom
"Somewhere deep down there's a decent man in me, he just can't be found."
Deep
"I don't hate women - they just sometimes make me mad."
Woman
"I need drama in my life to keep making music."
Life
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