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Jay Leno

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?""

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"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?""

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Asa Don Brown

"When I reach the point that I write Yesterday, then I can retire."

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Asa Don Brown

"It was a great mantel to be able to take on really, an amazing legacy. And you know to finally see it, because I just saw the final product yesterday as well, is really amazing to be part of something like this."

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Asa Don Brown

"It was a big story and yesterday's soup. Who cares?"

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Asa Don Brown

"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?""

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"The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most."
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"Politics is just show business for ugly people."
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"The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up."
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"The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets."
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"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
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"Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."
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"You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch."
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"I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder."
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"Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments."
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"You're not famous until my mother has heard of you."
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