"God has a most wicked sense of humor."

Humor, God, Sense

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

Explore more quotes by Maureen O'Hara

"There's a terrible truth for many women in the picture business: Aging typically takes its toll and means fewer and less desirable roles."

Woman

"The studio thought I was crazy to perform all of my own fencing stunts, but I loved it."

Thought

"I'm terrified about the day that I enter the gates of heaven and God says to me, just a minute."

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"When How Green Was My Valley finally wrapped, I thought John Ford was a walking god."

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"The Parent Trap gave my career another boost, starring in family comedies."

Family

"I really wanted to be an opera soprano."

Opera

"Some time ago, I told Larry King that I planned to live to be 102. I still do."

Time

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Explore more quotes by Maureen O'Hara

"There's a terrible truth for many women in the picture business: Aging typically takes its toll and means fewer and less desirable roles."

"The studio thought I was crazy to perform all of my own fencing stunts, but I loved it."

"I'm terrified about the day that I enter the gates of heaven and God says to me, just a minute."

"When How Green Was My Valley finally wrapped, I thought John Ford was a walking god."

"The Parent Trap gave my career another boost, starring in family comedies."

"I really wanted to be an opera soprano."

"Some time ago, I told Larry King that I planned to live to be 102. I still do."

"I am like many of the women I have played onscreen."

"I grew up in the theater and danced ballet atrociously."

"God has a most wicked sense of humor."