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"You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble."
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"The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties."
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Personal Development
"Let what is irksome become habitual, no more will it trouble you."
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Personal Development
"I have trouble with seafood because it tastes like a dock."
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Personal Development
"When trouble ends even troubles please."
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Personal Development
"My greatest trouble is getting the curtain up and down."
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Personal Development
"Hey, would you look at that shit?"I turned on my heel. The patrons who'd fled at the first hint of trouble had come back and were enjoying the spectacle."Clear out!" I barked.They paid me no mind. Asshole innocent bystanders."
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Personal Development
"I always prefer to believe the best of everybody, it saves so much trouble."
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Personal Development
"The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one."
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Personal Development
"Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble."
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Personal Development
"When you have a good script you're almost in more trouble than when you have a terrible script."
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"You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!"
Democracy
"The thing that you're faulted on today is not that you are too tough, or not that you aren't careful. It's that you might have been too soft. People want that red meat now because you have to keep up with the mood and the mood today is harsh. It really is."
People
"The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it."
Money
"I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny."
Fun
"I'll keep doing it until I die or the audiences die."
Persistence
"People are not in a good mood when any politician's face appears on television."
People
"You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble."
Trouble
"I believe that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business... my business!"
Business
"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."
Humor
"I can't think of a performer who is better on television than in person."
Television
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