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"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father.""
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"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"
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Personal Development
"Voters definitely believe Washington is corrupt - but most think it's bipartisan."
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Personal Development
"There's a Washington standard of casually putting things off the record. It's really gone too far. I don't know an easy way to turn it back."
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Personal Development
"The most difficult owner for me was the late George Marshall of Washington."
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Personal Development
"I was born in Washington, D.C., and I was raised in Milwaukee."
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Personal Development
"I grew up in a trailer park in Bellingham, Washington."
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Personal Development
"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father.""
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Personal Development
"Like they said about The West Wing, you can't do a show about Washington until you can."
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Personal Development
"Only in Washington does a decrease in the proposed increase equal a spending cut."
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Personal Development
"If I decide to tour, I definitely would come to Washington, D.C. We'll see."
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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