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"The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire."
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"Now the identification of individual sounds by phonetic observation is an artificial way of proceeding."

"I don't lose my temper very often now, and if I do, it's well deserved."

"We have our own reasons for what's motivating us right now."

"Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."

"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."

"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."

"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."

"I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford."

"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
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