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"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
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"I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss."
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Personal Development
"To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads."
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Personal Development
"I don't remember having a crush on a boy when I was a girl. I don't even remember my first kiss."
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Personal Development
"My first crush was Barry Manilow. He performed on TV and I taped it. When no was around I'd kiss the screen."
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Personal Development
"But KISS inspired me personally to pick up a guitar and go for it."
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Personal Development
"My big thing is to make sure the lipsticks taste good when you kiss. And, well, so far they taste pretty darn good."
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Personal Development
"The only foreplay I really need is for a guy to kiss my hip bone. The hip is the most erotic and neglected body part. Kiss the hip bone with your lips."
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Personal Development
"The fathers, if they got me alone, would try to kiss and fondle me. I hated it."
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Personal Development
"When it came to kissing, Harlow was the best."
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Personal Development
"I do not know how to kiss, or I would kiss you. Where do the noses go?"
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"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased."
America
"Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue."
Legal
"Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce."
Marriage
"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
Government
"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
History
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
Life
"Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope."
Cows
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Woman
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."
Consequence
"The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to."
Kiss
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