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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Work
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
School
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Men
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
Love
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Friendship
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Life
More
"If I had my way, I would have sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll at least 4-6 hours a day. So long as there are going to be things in the way of that, we're going to have a revolution."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sex is a big question mark. It is something people will talk about forever."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I attained a certain advanced intimacy with a man, and I don't just mean sex, I married him."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sex and love represent one of the numerous absurdities and hopeless incongruences demarking human nature. A person whom only seeks out sex and eschews love will live a barren existence. Sex without love is a brute display of physical reproductive capacity. Sex is not a worthless or stupid activity when it forms a cog in a loving and affectionate relationship. Sex and love might not make the world go round, but when joined they make it a better place to live in."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you insist upon fighting to protect me, or 'our' country, let it be understood soberly and rationally between us that you are fighting to gratify a sex instinct which I cannot share; to procure benefits where I have not shared and probably will not share."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'd like to know what law is it that says that a woman is a better parent, simply by virtue of her sex."
Author Name
Personal Development
"People's sex habits are as well known in Hollywood as their political opinions, and much less criticized."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Even Tom Sawyer had a girlfriend and to talk about adults without talking about their sex drives is like talking about a window without glass."
Author Name
Personal Development
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