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David Letterman

"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."

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"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."

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Amaka Imani Nkosazana

"I am no longer married, so ladies... there you go."

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"Ladies be seated, and let's have a wonderful time!"

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"Ladies be seated, the party has only begun."

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"Ladies be seated, a laugh doesn't cost you a dime."

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"Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind."

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"Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch. Maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies."

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Amaka Imani Nkosazana

"Ladies and Gentleman, the Bronx is burning."

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Amaka Imani Nkosazana

"I sat through Ladies and Gentlemen, the Rolling Stones like three times at the Skyway when it came out."

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Amaka Imani Nkosazana

"I'm not confident with the ladies. I can't just ask someone out in a club. I'd like to say I'm a gentleman."

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Amaka Imani Nkosazana

"I have seen many ladies displaying different styles and different styles displaying ladies."

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"I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious."
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"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either."
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"I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red."
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"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees."
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"President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger."
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"There is no off position on the genius switch."
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"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag."
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"No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it's live. You know, it's like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney."
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"New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you."
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