"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."

Ladies, Gentlemen, Jokes

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"I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments."

Exlpore more Ladies quotes

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Explore more quotes by David Letterman

"Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't know anything about explosives, but, my God, do those things even need to explode?"

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"Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?"

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"For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home."

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"People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine."

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"Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno."

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"Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel."

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"Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives."

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"President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?"

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"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag."

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