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"We, Norton I, do hereby decree that the offices of President, Vice President, and Speaker of the House of Representatives are, from and after this date, abolished."
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"We do hereby command the Leaders of the Hebrew, Catholic and Protestant Churches to sanctify and have us crowned Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico."
Church
"We, Norton I, do hereby decree that the offices of President, Vice President, and Speaker of the House of Representatives are, from and after this date, abolished."
President
"To Mr. Seward: It is my desire that, in case Maximillian will surrender, he be sent here a prisoner of war, but that in the event of his continuing the war, or refusing to surrender, then he be shot."
War
"Now, therefore, the Directors of the company are hereby ordered to see that precautions are taken to make travel on said railroad perfectly safe by using a screw with at least twenty-four inches diameter."
Travel
"The Supreme Court of the United States is hereby commanded to try Andrew Johnson for usurpation of our Imperial authority and prerogatives, and if found guilty, behead him or send him here to black the Emperor's boots."
Authority
"We further decree that the Senate of the United States elect a prominent Democrat as their presiding officer, to act as President until the next election, and to reconstruct the Cabinet according to our wishes hereafter to be declared."
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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"This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
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Personal Development
"When asked for your views, by the press or others, remember that what they really want to know is the President's views."
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Personal Development
"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."
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Personal Development
"I believe we will elect a new President in 2012."
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Personal Development
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
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Personal Development
"The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive."
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Personal Development
"I'm the only president you've got."
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Personal Development
"A master of improvised speech and improvised policies."
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Personal Development
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
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Personal Development
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