"He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies."

Humor, Creativity, Fantasy, Art

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"He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary, Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. "I don't think 'assholeness' is a word."It is if I say it is. Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point."

Jennifer L. Armentrout, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Speech, Temper

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Social, Interaction

"This was not of the nature of a Christlike lesson for Owen Meany to learn, as he lay in the manger, that someone you hate can give you a hard-on."

John Irving, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Religion, Truth

"Vengeance was one hell of a roommate."

J.R. Ward, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Observation, Personality

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

Christopher Hitchens, American Author

Humor, Economy, Choice, Alcohol

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."

Irvin S. Cobb, American Journalist

Humor, Tragedy

Explore more quotes by Kresley Cole

"Ah, damn it, lass,'he called after her. 'I've busted my stitches wide open.''What?'she cried, hurrying back to him. 'Let me see!''Ah-ha!' He snared her around the waist, dragging her down with him to his lap.'You still care for me!"

Love, Care, Affection, Relationship

"Ah, lass, you're looking at my cock like you want tae give it a suck."

Romance, Desire, Humor, Attraction, Observation

"You wouldn't recognize a good thing if it was spanking your ass."

Observation, Awareness, Truth, Reality

"When Matthew merely stared at him, Jackson reached into the weapon box and pulled out a sheathed machete, handing it to the boy.Matthew laughed and dropped it."

Interaction, Trust, Humor, Learning

"She'd thought there was no greater connection than destiny decreeing them joined. But there was - the choice they'd made to love each other."

Love, Choice, Destiny, Connection

"It's a sweet setup, I'll admit. For all that the maids STILL show up each day with jumbo crucifixes, jumpy movements, and red eyes from crying over the short straw that drew them vampire duty.' Yesterday, she'd just stopped herself from raising her clenched hands above her head and chasing one of them around the room groaning, 'I vant to suck your blood."

Humor, Observation, Fantasy, Emotion

"The demon was turning out to be an unpredictable, feral, bone-and-head-collecting, sexually ravenous happiness battery. She swallowed. All I have to do is plug him in."

Fantasy, Desire, Control, Power, Emotion

"It felt bizarre to be ignored in general, much less by an embodiment of Aidan--who used to stare at her so hard that he'd run into trees."

Neglect, Rejection, Change, Identity, Distance

"She'd made him watch every Alien movie. Most of the goriest scenes were accompanied by his dialogue: 'Ach, that's no' - that's just no' right.... Bloody hell, this canna be right."

Bonding, Humor, Movies, Voice, Experience

"I take no actions that I wouldn't publicly recount. If you can't speak your deeds, then don't do them."

Ethics, Integrity, Transparency, Morality, Action