"He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies."

Humor, Creativity, Fantasy, Art

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"He's like six hundred years younger than you are. I refuse to be the moral compass of our cell! Most weekends I have an intoxispell bong attached to my mouth like a respirator. I love scatological humor, and I list 'pranks involving nuclear waste' and 'making demons eat things' as my hobbies."

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Winston Churchill, English Statesman

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"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

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"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."

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"I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated."

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"Niagara ... is the first disappointment in the married life of many Americans who spend their honeymoon there."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

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"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."

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"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

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Explore more quotes by Kresley Cole

"Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman."

Social

"You said you'd give me half an hour!''And you said you'd satisfy me whenever I wanted it. I want it now.' He removed is jacket. 'Drop the towel.''I-I never agreed to be naked!"

Consent

"When she absently worried her bottom lip with one of her adorable little fangs, he sighed..Dear gods, it'd finally happened to him.Happiness.Then his own fangs sharpened.I will kill anyone who tries to take this feeling away from me."

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"Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?"

Humor

"Ah, lass, you're looking at my cock like you want tae give it a suck."

Romance

"His debtors always assumed he'd demand their firstborn. Like I'm fucking Rumpelstiltskin? What would Lothaire do with countless squalling babes? Raise them in a kennel?"

Humor

"Just hear me out. While you were napping, I was busy chatting up our allies. Didn't you know--your woman's a golden-tongued ambassador! My sisters always said I graduated from the shock-and-awe school of diplomacy, but joke 'em if they can't take a fuck, right?"

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"Darwin says people like you need to die. (Carrow)"

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"Yo, Dekko, who do I gotta blow around here to get a shower?"

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"In other words, he was the tree in the forest that silently fell--when no one was around to be crushed."

Obscurity