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"Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions."
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"Dr. Johnson was a lazy learned man who liked to think and talk better than to read or write; who, however, wrote much and well, but too often by rote."
"When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package."
"One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real."
Man,
"After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."
"As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse."
"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."
"To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life."
"I like the relaxed way in which the Japanese approach religion. I think of myself as basically a moral person, but I'm definitely not religious, and I'm very tired of the preachiness and obsession with other people's behavior characteristic of many religious people in the United States. As far as I could tell, there's nothing preachy about Buddhism. I was in a lot of temples, and I still don't know what Buddhists believe, except that at one point Kunio said 'If you do bad things, you will be reborn as an ox.'This makes as much sense to me as anything I ever heard from, for example, the Reverend Pat Robertson."
"Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?"
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