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Woody Allen

"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

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"If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative."

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"Most everyone now personally knows someone who is openly homosexual."

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"I am now seventy, rather glad, really, that I won't live to see the horrors to come in the 21st century."

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"Students now arrive at the university ignorant and cynical about our political heritage, lacking the wherewithal to be either inspired by it or seriously critical of it."

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"One hundred and ten years from now no one who is here now will be alive."

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"There's a part of me that wishes I'd never said one single solitary word on any subject publicly. Then I could have been the tortured poet, and there's so much mileage in that. But it's too late to stop now."

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"For instance, it's a little better now than it was two or three years ago, but something like 70% of the poems I receive seem to be written in the present indicative."

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"If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."

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"I take responsibility for myself and what I do now."

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"I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all."

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"I don't like directors that just say, Stand there and now do this."

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
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"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."
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"Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words."
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"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
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"I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib."
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"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."
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"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
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"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness."
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Woody Allen
"Tradition is the illusion of permanance."
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"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."
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