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"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."
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"This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
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Personal Development

"The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive."
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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"The president's budget proposals have neglected water infrastructure."
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"We are still waiting for the president to introduce a concrete plan. He has just hinted at what he is thinking about doing, but no one has seen a proposal."
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"I'm a huge Obama fan. I think it's such an unbelievably great thing to have a President who's competent and not insane."
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"Every President hates the Press."
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Personal Development

"One of your tasks is to separate the "personal" from the "substantive." The two can become confused, especially if someone rubs the President wrong."
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Personal Development

"At least she's the president of something, which is more than I can say."
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"I'm always happy to have the President visit North Carolina. Unfortunately, the citizens of North Carolina who could be most adversely affected by the President's plan have not been invited to the discussion."
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"I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor."
Movies

"I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character."
Character

"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
Internet

"More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had."
Chance

"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."
Being

"I heard Dennis Kucinich say in a debate, 'When I'm president... and I just wanted to stop him and say, 'Dude.'"
Debate

"There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on "Friends" is."
People

"McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."
Death

"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."
Amusement

"If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news."
News
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