"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."

Men, Mom, Care, Reason

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"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."

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"What men are among the other formations of the earth, artists are among men."

Karl Schlegel, German Philosopher

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"Women may fall when there's no strength in men."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"Wine hath drowned more men than the sea."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives."

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"Be noble minded! Our own heart, and not other men's opinions of us, forms our true honor."

Friedrich Schiller, German Dramatist

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"If we are marked to die, we are enough to do our country loss; and if to live, the fewer men, the greater share of honor."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"Alfred Nobel's discoveries are characteristic; powerful explosives can help men perform admirable tasks. They are also a means to terrible destruction in the hands of the great criminals who lead peoples to war."

Pierre Curie, French Scientist

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"Men do not have to cook their food; they do so for symbolic reasons to show they are men and not beasts."

Edmund Leach, British Scientist

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"There have been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men."

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Explore more quotes by Tim Allen

"Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive."

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"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded."

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"Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon."

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"Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison."

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"While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously."

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"Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me."

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"Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything."

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"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."

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"My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance."

Men, Mom, Care, Reason