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"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
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"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."
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Personal Development
"Were we closer to the ground as children, or is the grass emptier now?"
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Personal Development
"Children dwell in their dreams. Get them the wings and they'll fly."
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Personal Development
"Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves."
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Personal Development
"Parents provide their children with genes as well as an environment, so the fact that talkative parents have kids with good language skills could simply mean that and that the same genes that make parents talkative make children articulate."
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Personal Development
"You know you've made it when you've been moulded in miniature plastic. But you know what children do with Barbie dolls - it's a bit scary, actually."
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Personal Development
"Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain."
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Personal Development
"If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses."
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Personal Development
"Still, most of those effects occur in the context of harmless play and it is patently obvious that children are not normally turned into aggressive little monsters by TV or video games, since most children do not become aggressive little monsters."
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Personal Development
"Children are very cruel, yes. Of course. Children are extraordinarily cruel little creatures."
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Personal Development
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"America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased."
America
"Children must be considered in a divorce considered valuable pawns in the nasty legal and financial contest that is about to ensue."
Legal
"Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce."
Marriage
"The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it."
Government
"In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character."
History
"A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat."
Life
"Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope."
Cows
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
Woman
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences."
Consequence
"If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult."
Health
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