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"You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament."
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"Now I do bowling, golf, and tennis. I want to be a good bowler."
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Personal Development
"Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake."
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Personal Development
"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
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Personal Development
"Golf seems to be an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dog's out."
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Personal Development
"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
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Personal Development
"My golf is woeful but I will never surrender."
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Personal Development
"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
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Personal Development
"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."
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Personal Development
"Almost a quarter of our planet is a single mountain range and we didn't enter it until after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to the moon. So we went to the moon, played golf up there, before we went to the largest feature on our own planet."
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Personal Development
"You know the way I play golf, it's a good I do these things for charities."
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"Only 4 percent of all the companies owned in Scotland have their head offices in Scotland."
Scotland
"There's one major difference between James Bond and me! He is able to sort out problems!"
Difference
"I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly."
Wife
"I admit I'm being paid well, but it's no more than I deserve. After all, I've been screwed more times than a hooker."
Being
"To cultivate an English accent is already a departure away from what you are."
Departure
"Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile."
Love
"There is nothing like a challenge to bring out the best in man."
Challenge
"More than anything else, I'd like to be an old man with a good face, like Hitchcock or Picasso."
Man
"I don't understand if you get caught in a fight, but take it out on a room, how that implies some psychiatric disorder."
Disorder
"I don't know anything about baseball."
Baseball
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