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Aspen Matis

"I had no evidence. No physical signs of my rape existed anymore. My body had already purged them. That was the irreversible reality."

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"I had no evidence. No physical signs of my rape existed anymore. My body had already purged them. That was the irreversible reality."

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Akiroq Brost

"His abusemakes her an anvilwithout spark."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"Many call it the 1000 yard stare and can't realize the pain when PTSD takes us there."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"Have you ever experienced a shattering in your own personal life? Where death, divorce, financial loss, failure, or disaster changed your world to such an extent that you weren't sure how to rebuild again? Clearing the debris from the aftermath is a great first step. It enables you to start with a clean slate so you can rebuild exactly what you desire. Where can you begin?"

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"I've seen a lot of stuff, maybe I've seen too much. I see most humans in a bad light because I've seen what they can do, how evil they can be, I've seen the Holocaust and I've seen Jonestown, I've seen the Vietnam War and I've seen Hiroshima, I've seen the Chernobyl disaster, I've seen the World Trade Center attack, I've been alive too long, over a hundred years is a long time to be alive, Alecto sighed, staring at the cigarette he was holding."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"I'd still thought that everything I thought about that night-the shame, the fear-would fade in time. But that hadn't happened. Instead, the things that I remembered, these little details, seemed to grow stronger, to the point where I could feel their weight in my chest. Nothing, however stuck with me more than the memory of stepping into that dark room and what I found there, and how the light then took that nightmare and made it real."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"But I don't know what to him about the aftermath of killing a person. About how they never leave you."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"The moment her hymen was plucked from her body in the wilderness, Her soul was taken from sanity."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"That was the dirty secret associated with her past. Not that she'd been abused but that somehow she felt that she deserved it because she'd let it happen. Even now, it shamed her, and there were times when she felt hideously ugly, as though the scars that had been left behind were visible to everyone."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"The aftermath of bearing shackles is an exquisite devastation, fraught with the ravages of survival. Even though one is no longer held captive-be that from a person, a government, or one's inner self-the scars are deeply engraved into one's psyche, and there's no remedy for the soul. Many have the misconception that freedom equals happiness forever and ever.That's a wicked delusion."

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Personal Development

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Akiroq Brost

"If the most connected we've ever felt with another person was in that brief moment of apology and regret after physical abuse, then we'll seek that abuse for the rest of our lives."

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Personal Development

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Aspen Matis
"Already, this little-walked gigantic trail through my country's Western wilderness held in my mind the promise of escape from myself, the liberation only a huge transformation could grant me. This walk would be my salvation. It had to be."

Transformation

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Aspen Matis
"Absolutely devout in her complete care of my body, she had only taught me to be weak and voiceless. But I had unlearned that lesson. Our enmeshment no longer felt to me like proof of love. I was no longer willing to permit this silencing. Helplessness didn't have to be my identity, I wasn't condemned to it. I was willing-able-to change. Our enmeshment had been enabled by my belief that I needed her to help me, to take care of things for me-and to save me-but, back in the home where I'd learned this helplessness, I found I no longer felt that I was trapped in it."

Empowerment

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Aspen Matis
"But the truth was stranger than an aimless road, it always was."

Truth

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Aspen Matis
"I was able to pitch a tent and carry a backpack twenty-five miles a day through mountains-I'd mastered a thousand amazing physical feats-physically I'd become undeniably confident and capable-but physical weakness had never been the problem that I had. My true problem had been passivity, the lifelong-conditioned submission that became my nature."

Transformation

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Aspen Matis
"If I could mark clearly, convincingly and consistently what was good for me and also what was bad-if I could say yes and also no, as if it were the law-it would become my law."

Self-Control

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Aspen Matis
"I felt like I belonged to an ancient tradition of all young people given this same task of finding their own ways through to the futures they wanted for themselves."

Tradition

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Aspen Matis
"I saw for the first time that I could stop giving people the power to make me feel disrespected. In my anger I began to see the absurdity of allowing this boy to shame me."

Empowerment

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Aspen Matis
"I wrote through darkness, vividly seeing: my passivity was not a crime; my desire to trust was not a flaw."

Healing

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Aspen Matis
"I'd have to be impolite, an inconvenience, and sometimes awkward. But if I could commit, all that discomfort would add up to zap predatory threads like a Taser gun. I'd stun them. They'd bow to me. I'd let my no echo against the mountains.And better to feel bad for a moment saying no-and stop it-than to get harmed.I would take better care.That small word, no. I'd see its deity."

Boundaries

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Aspen Matis
"My relationship with my mother trapped me in the identity of a child."

Identity

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