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"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."
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"I read some, and then visited with people involved in this curious, exciting and somewhat misunderstood sub-culture. I met with a fang maker, who offered to fit me for an exquisite pair."
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Personal Development
"Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"People talk about the conscience, but it seems to me one must just bring it up to a certain point and leave it there. You can let your conscience alone if you're nice to the second housemaid."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Young people have a marvelous faculty of either dying or adapting themselves to circumstances."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Many people feel their outer self isn't the whole self."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you have carefully examined hundred people you met in your life journey, it means that you have read hundred different books! Every person you know is a book; world is full of walking books; some are boring, some are marvellous, some are weak, some are powerful, but they are all useful because they all carry different experiences of different paths!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"According to the percentage people, you would be perfectly comfortable."
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Personal Development
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"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
Home
"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."
Fact
"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Holiday
"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."
Day
"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down."
History
"My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul."
Soul
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
Driving
"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."
People
"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."
Love
"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."
People
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